one two three fourrrrnication!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
