It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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