i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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