Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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