i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You pole danced in your parka.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
