You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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