There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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