Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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