I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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