Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
