Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
