I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
