no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
