She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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