I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
