Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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