She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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