he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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