I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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