So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Michael Bay diarrhea
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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