Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
