i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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