I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
