Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
