i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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