I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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