i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
