those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This beer is not sobering me up at all
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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