About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
