literally had 100 drinks last night.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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