1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
