I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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