I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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