shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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