if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
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I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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