the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
accomplished twins. life is a go
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
