Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
