is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
