You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
