You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
