He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize