omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
