How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
