real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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