Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
