My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
