i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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