I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
