I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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