People with herpes should wear stickers.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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