I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
