I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
