Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
