Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
