my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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