I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.