two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out