dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it