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• (818): View more from California

  I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people

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• (716): View more from New York

  Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (415): View more from California

  It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.

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• (760): View more from California

  We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.

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