GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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