hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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