I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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