He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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